Bold and shy to the point of non-personality, it’s a dichotomy that defines me to a tee. Growing up I was a shy, reserved girl who spent a lot of time trying to escape my siblings alone in my room. As a teenager I tried to muck through the hell of high school by making good grades and keeping my head down. I really started to break free from that girl with my first job through an early release program during senior year.
It really all came to a head when my father came upstairs, out of the blue, to tell me he and my mom might be separating. The next morning I watched my mom very carefully and she gave no sign that she knew about this little tidbit. From that point on my internal personality began to grow and bloom and make itself known. To me.
The plot of my life I approached with panache. How you take action during the events in your life, I believe, stem from that internal personality in ways you can’t control. So whatever the world threw at me I dealt with and kept moving. I developed a mission statement in line with my character: yaykisspurr! I celebrate my triumphs with yays all around. I kiss goodbye my failures and the negativity that comes with them. And I maintain a purring good attitude toward any and all opportunities.
The real problem lay not in my character or in my plot but in the way I dialogued with the world. Give me an insurmountable mountain to climb and I’ll find a way. Try to stop my course by leading me to a cliff and I’ll soar off the edge in a heartbeat. Put me in a room of people I don’t know and I freeze like an antelope in a den of sleeping lions.
In pondering this flaw of myself, I’ve made a few conclusions. I need to use what I know about myself and my experience to combat these tendencies. I have boldness inside, I need to push it out. I act daring when push comes to shove; now I need to learn to project the same. To that end I’ve started this blog. Sure I want to organize my thoughts and work out faulty thinking. And I also want to express myself. Lay out what I think and give others the opportunity to bat back their own opinions.
As a writer, slogging through my very first novel, I find my interests lay in storytellling: in books, movies and television shows. I dissect them: break down the characters and the plot. In sharing what I find I’ll start to dialogue with the world. I don’t know if anyone out there will ever read this blog. Many may disagree with me in total. My subject matter may hold little interest to others. Either way, I’ll express myself on this journey with boldness and daring. The world be damned!